Who Knows Whats Next

Im having a hard time figuring out what to do next. The next step after picking up the pieces and living the life you were meant to live. To be strong. To be motivated. To love again. I am at crossroads in my heart though. I don't know when to let go of something that I was so sure of. I need to know what to do. The ambiguous signs I get are driving me insane. I want to know. I loved too deep. I know that now. And now I want to run. Run far away and forget what it was like to feel that way. And to be hurt this way, but I am not sure if that is the right answer. I wish I knew the answer. I don't want to forget everything, because it was beautiful and pure. I don't want to let go. There is a time in place where you have to choose you. I need to choose myself for once in I don't even know how long. I need to live my life fully and leave the past behind me, but something won't let me and it's unfair. This is where it becomes blurry. I think I can be strong though, I think I can do begin the journey to heal and be happy, and simply be me.. I feel like change will aid my healing. Some say change, and running go hand in had, but maybe running will open my eyes. I am not running from me, just running from what I so desperately need to leave behind. It's hard to be alone right now, I feel so alone, I am tired of the feeling or longing for any person to just be here with me, it is agonizing. Despite the shit I am wading through these days, I know there is something great ahead of me. I know myself and I know I will not fail, I cannot fail, I can handle it this, because I am not weak. Not today, no matter how small I feel. I can build something new. I think I can, and that's is just simply the beginning to this journey. My mind is a mess, yes. Still very lost, yes, and still very fucking confused, yes.

                          Better luck next time.